Never
by Horrornovel14
Summary: Gilbert has given up on everything. He wants to be dead. Ludwig doesn't want this. His brother practically raised him and he doesn't want the albino to leave him. Will Ludwig be able to save his brother from himself, or will his desperate attempts end in failure. M for violence, language, and suicidal thoughts/themes
1. Chapter 1

Gilbert looked down at his gleaming knife and smirked, _They're all so oblivious… _For the past five years the albino had been false to everyone. _They all think I'm some egoistic bastard. _The thought made him laugh, _They won't miss me. And I won't miss them. _And with that on his mind, he dug the knife deep into his wrist until he felt it strike bone. He ripped it up to the crook of his elbow and tore it out, the crimson blood flowing steadily out and blinding pain filling in. He sighed and leaned back in the chair, watching the flow, his vision slowing fading as the red pool on the table grew larger and larger.

Ludwig walked into the house, _So happy I finished my work early. _He looked around the living room, _I wonder where bruder is. Maybe we can go drinking together…..it's been forever! _He looked in the basement—nothing. By this point he was worried, the house was silent and his brother was the opposite of that. _Maybe he's in the kitchen….._ The blonde German was shaking slightly as he walked, _something's not right….. _And when he walked into the kitchen, his hunch was proven correct.

Gilbert awoke later in a pure white room. "Fuck…" He hissed, _Damn bastard got home in time… _He sat up and stretched, popping his spine and sighing. "I'll just try again when I get outta this hell hole."

"I don't think so," A familiarly accented voice growled from beside him. Gilbert looked over at his blonde brother and laughed harshly, "What? You're gonna stop me. As if."

Ludwig stared at his brother in shock, _Why is he so different!? _"What happened to you bruder! And why the hell did you do _that_!?" He jabbed his finger at his older brother's wrist which was now bandaged.

His brother looked down at the sterile white bed sheets silently, all previous anger gone and replaced by a solemnity that was difficult for even Ludwig to grasp. "Well."

"It's of no business of yours. Leave me be." Gilbert whispered, not looking up. _Why doesn't he just let me die! He's never around and I'm just a burden, what's the point of my existence if I just get in everyone's way…_

Ludwig looked at Gilbert with wide eyes, looking very similar to that of a kicked puppy. Slight guilt twanged in the albino, _I've never seen him look like that since he was five…._

"B-but bruder…" He stammered, trying to find out what was wrong with his older sibling.

Gilbert sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Just get out."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." He sat and stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest, eyes cold.

"Well you're gonna be here forever." He tilted his head down and avoided his brother's harsh and broken gaze.

Ludwig got up and slowly left, his body numb. He stood in the doorway for a moment and said softly, "Why brother…" then he was gone.

Tears pricked in the corners of the albino's eyes and he rubbed his hand over the white stained red bandages. "Because I'm useless. Because I shouldn't even be alive right now…."

He laid his head down on the pillow and fell into a fitful sleep.

Ludwig slid down to the floor and leaned his head back against the wall in the hallway. He felt the tears come and hide his face in his hands and started to sob.

_A/N: uhm…yea…no response to this….next chapter to come soon._


	2. Chapter 2

Gilbert woke up screaming in the middle of the night. The man. It was the man again, coming to take him away like he did years ago.

Ludwig who was asleep by him jumped up and grabbed his brother on instinct, pulling him close, "Shh Gil...it's alright…everything's going to be just fine..."

His brother clung to him shaking, sobbing, "He's back...He's coming to get me...I don't want him to take me..."

_Ivan_, Ludwig thought instantly, fury coursing through his body. The Russian bastard had taken his brother from him years ago. It was only in the past few months that he had gotten the albino back. "How long have you been having these nightmares bruder?"

"E-ever since he t-took me..." Gilbert whispered silently.

Ludwig rocked back and forth, whispering soothing nonsensical words to his brother, just like his brother did to him long ago.

_Damn that Russian bastard..._ Ludwig thought angrily as he looked down at his brother, who was finally asleep in his arms, tear tracks staining his face.

He remembered the day he got his brother back, the hatred filled his body and he had to meditate for hours to finally be calm enough to see his brother without murdering someone or thing.

Then the albino had been thinner than a twig and was paler than the blonde had ever seen him. His body was covered in deep, pussy, gashes and black bruises. He had curled in a ball and cowered in fear every time Ludwig approached him.

The fact that his brother had feared him was what killed Ludwig. He would stay late up late at night to watch him and make sure the healing man was fine.

Ludwig rested his head on top of his brother's and closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry. "Oh bruder…how broken are you….is he one of your reasons…am I?" The thought that he drove his brother to suicide struck a chord deep inside the German. He was disgusted with himself.

The grip on his shirt loosened and his brother pulled away, head hung low and turned to the side to avoid eye contact. "Don't even think that," he muttered, voice low. "I would never put a burden like that on you." _But it is true….you constantly ignoring me…I felt useless when I came back…I still do…you don't need me. Not anymore. _The thought echoed through Gilbert's mind, a haunting voice that spoke the truth inside. Never outside though. The truth hurt too much. The truth should never be known by anyone but him.

Ludwig pursed his lips, then took his brother's head and turned it toward him, "Look me in the eye and tell me that."

Gilbert lifted his head, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "It wasn't you."

Ludwig turned and stood, back to Gilbert, and stared out the window. Tears spilled from his eyes as the truth hit him. "You lie…." He whispered. Then turn and ran so the older sibling wouldn't see how broken he was.

Gilbert's lower lip trembled with sobs that he forced inside. He covered his face with his hands and started to laugh, tears streaming from his eyes. _I'm such a fool. Thinking I could lie to him. Ha. Idiot. Now he feels the burden, the pain. I wanted to free you brother. But looks like I failed miserably…..._

_A/N: Sorry for such a long wait, Life got in the way 'cause my teachers decided to bombard me with work. Seriously! I had to teach the science class, plan an entire museum, do an essay on women's rights, and math tests after the assessments! But luckily that's all almost over…I'll try and update my other stories soon too! Sorry again~~~ And thanks for reading! Please review!_


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